What is grace and courtesy?

Starting with apologies

I've made a rather terrible mistake. How dare I create a blog called grace and courtesy without explaining what grace and courtesy actually means? Well, I will remedy that now. Hopefully, you can grant me the grace to forgive me and now take heed (see what I did there?). The term is widespread throughout Western culture, but it can be used in many different ways. When we think of courtesy, that could mean showing politeness or good manners. In that same vein, it can also mean doing a service for someone en gratis, or for free. The first definition leans more towards what Montessorians mean when we speak of grace and courtesy as a phrase. But grace has quite a few meanings too. It can speak of a refinement in movement (graceful dancer), or even a prayer. Looking at the etymology of the words reveal that grace has much more to do with a state of being (being gracious or grateful) whereas courtesy is more about actions (manners fit for a court; curtsy). Maria Montessori as well as other Montessori practitioners have quite a bit to say about it...but so does the Bible. 

Simone Davies of the book The Montessori Toddler says that 

"The sensitive period for manners starts around 2.5 years. Before this, the adult can model manners and courtesies for young toddlers who will absorb them". (Davies 17)

Remember that a sensitive period is a unique, never returning period in a child's life where it is very easy for them to learn a particular concept. God has so designed us in our unconscious state of early childhood that we crave the very exercises that will aid us in becoming capable adults, as well as contributing members of society. In E.M. Standing's book Maria Montessori Her Life and Work, the author explains that the child  between the ages of 2.5-6 years old is not only interested in the sensations that exist out in the world, but also in what their body actually does (eating, drinking, pooping speaking), making it a perfect time to teach manners: 

"This is why lessons of grace and courtesy...should be given at this psychological moment".

 He later classifies grace and courtesy lessons under the banner of Practical Life activities.

"If one is starting a Montessori class right from the beginning, it is best to concentrate at first almost entirely on the exercises of practical life (together with lessons of grace and courtesy) and postpone the bringing out of any specialized didactic materials until there has been established what Montessori calls the 'right rapport' between the children and the environment." (Standing, 217)

 What does this look like? Lessons on how to greet a friend; how to get someone's attention if they are busy with another activity; how to fold and unfold a work mat;  tucking in your chair under a table; polite language ("excuse me", when you bump someone, or "please" and "thank you") and the list goes on. Just like so much else at this age, the teaching is more about modeling and making a game of it whenever you can. Montessori speaks of how the limitations on the environment also aid in providing opportunities for children to exude grace and courtesy skills:

"In a class of many children there will only be one copy of each object. If a child wants to use an object which is already being used, he cannot do it and when the children are normalized they will wait till the other has finished using that material." (M. Montessori, Absorbent Mind, 327)

Grace and courtesy lessons continue in different forms throughout childhood. As their relationships become more complex, so do the lessons. It's all in an effort to aid the child in building healthy relationships, be they momentary or longstanding. Grace in the Bible also has to do with relationships.

Grace and Godliness

Grace (charis, in the Greek where we get the word "Charity") speaks of unmerited favor. The story of the Bible is how the God who made us loves us so much that He created a way to bring us back into a right relationship with Him.

But God commended his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8

 God, who is holy and perfect wants to have a deep relationship with the people he created. But our rebellion towards Him makes it impossible.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God Romans 3:23 

His grace towards us makes it possible.

 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

 Another way you can describe grace in the Bible and in life is that we receive a gift that we don't deserve. And this gift changes how we orient ourselves in the world. Over time, we are changed so radically that the acts of politeness and kindness that are classified as Grace and Courtesy in Montessori should pale in comparison to the level of love and grace we show to others.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, Titus 2:11-12

The point of it all

This is a much longer post than I would usually write. And the reason is because this is the main foundation of why I have this blog/podcast in the first place. My desire is to share my story and thinking about Christ, Montessori pedagogy and education in general, as well as the perspective of a person of color (BIPOC). But it is the grace given to me through my faith in Christ that animates all the rest. It is this grace--indeed delivered courteously--that can change the world.